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how did this happen?

how did 12 weeks, aka three months, go by so quickly?

it seems like yesterday I was taking the train into NYC so apprehensive, so "what the Hell am i doing?"..
and now, I'm tearing up thinking the Ornish/Oz dream team is coming to an end.
but it's not really. The team is working on finding a way to keep us going at the Center for Health and Healing on Fifth & 28th, and at the very least, our gang of six has vowed to keep going on our own.
How can we not? we need each other.

It's been so evident how much we've changed. emotionally, physically, spiritually.
We were 6 broken strangers, turning ourselves over to Dean Ornish's team of magicians.
We came together after filling out a questionnaire on STRESS, and after all the responses were read by the Oz producers, we were picked. My friends said "well honey, no one has more stress than you, so we are not surprised you were chosen.."....hmmm. who wants to win that contest?? uh, not moi

Well now, after the last 7 vials of blood were taken, the last scale will be stood on and the last Wednesday of tears and laughter will take place in two days.

Taping the show will be in mid May, no air date yet, but this TV part of it has become so minimally important to me.
Already my cholesterol is down 35 points. My resting heart-rate is way lower. I've been able to run further and longer without thinking "heart attack!!!" My twice weekly Pilates Reformer classes have strengthened my core and my back, my weight work is helping save these old bones.
what was the hardest part in the beginning of this lifestyle make over is now my favorite...MEDITATING!

NEVER in a zillion years would i think i would meditate, let alone love it so much that if i miss a day i go nuts and have to do it twice the next day. I learned how to breathe and let go.
I listen to Deepak daily who reminds me whats important and what isn't. My mind and body is what I need to nourish, my soul comes along for the ride and is grateful for who ive become and who i am becoming.

I still battle with the number on the scale, because i have definitely weighed less. My new mantra is "Ive been thinner, but never fitter or healthier"...
will i be a vegan/veggie forever? who knows. (someone tell Paul McCartney we can have dinner together now) But the lightness of being that has been these three months in evident.

That first week we all met in February wasn't my birthday, but i received this wonderful gift.
Dean walked me down the hall to get my blood drawn and he said, "this will be great because you will have so much love and support"...and we did. I can't thank you all enough for this journey.
Dean, Deborah, Jeff, Elysse, Jillian, Gayle, Ariel, the drs, and support staff. Courtney and the Oz people. and my girls...Kathey, Joceyln, Lilliana,  Saideh, and Leron..
My heart is full.

sad to be heading into the last quarter, but maybe......

well blog readers, here i am in week 8.

Only 4 more weeks to go for this 12 week study to come to an end.
so sad for that May date looming on the horizon..........BUT
We have been told that Dean is working with the Center for Health and Beth Israel to let us keep going, they are trying to find us space to keep meeting and not let the momentum stop...
The other women as well have voiced (loudly) their desire to not stop this train.. whoo hoo! Can you hear the song in your head now? c'mon people sing with the O'Jays!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yo4_1l_gU58

fingers and toes crossed we can make it happen.

In the meantime, we still have four more weeks. yay :-)

Got a call today to warn us that next Wednesday means more blood work, and to fast but bring a snack to eat before we start working out...oh yum, more vials of blood to be centrafuged and tell a story.
I keep praying that my blood is saying, "look, less fat in here!...." well, we shall see wont we?

Last Wednesday was the first time in a few weeks that we were all there, various family stuff kept pulling one or the other of us away for a Wednesday, but this week it was cool to be all six of us, sweating with Elysse and Jeff thru the cardio and squats, the monster walks and the weighted rows, then heading downstairs to downward dog time and pigeon pose and shavasana, and hearing Saideh snore as she meditates into a deep sleep and i poke her and laugh...All 6 of us with the wonderful Deborah leading the group sessions, and then the starving crazy women devouring a vegan meal from Candle Cafe while peppering Gayle with questions and cravings....We are such a tight little community.

Its hard to believe we didnt know each other existed 8 weeks ago. Now we have shared our lives and hopes and successes and failures and fears and laughter with each other as if we are family. Actually, closer than family. It's so safe with these gals. No judgement just so much support.

I'm still working out like a fiend, not a total gym rat yet, but as the laundry piles higher and the dust bunnies hop around I find I'm choosing classes and running over doing that stuff.
Every week i add another rock to Kathi's cup at the gym so she knows I'm still rocking it...lol

I'm so grateful that I am afforded this opportunity. Thank you God and all the people you have put in my path to make my life better.

so keep singing, we are on the Love Train together ladies <3

Week 6 - half time... rethinking the strategy

half time.
(yes, another football reference, i know. )

So i now find myself at the halfway mark of this strange but miraculous program that i am on with the Drs and the other 5 women. Talk about the glass half empty or full, Last Wednesday we were all sad and nervous at the prospect of it ending. And we still have 6 more weeks to go!
Dean said it doesn't have to end, he will find space for us to continue our group sessions, or suggested we find somewhere to meet up every Wednesday when his part is over. His other groups have stayed together years after the initial program ended. I hope we can do that too.

So i look back at the last six weeks in shock and awe at what I've accomplished, and look forward at the next six and need to figure out what i need to change or tweak.

I still let the numbers play games with my head. Whether its on the scale, on the body fat meter or my heart monitor, i get so wrapped up in the numbers that i forget to take into account how good i feel.
But the numbers game is an old one for me, and its an old habit thats taking its time to die.... :-(
It's not a competition. its my life, so i need to focus focus focus.
Maybe i need to watch my portion size (ya think), perhaps i need to pre plan my meals more so i'm not scrambling to figure out what i can eat. Yup. Stuff like that.

I know i need help in the time management area. I can't be black or white, zero or a hundred. I'm working on that big time. I calendar in my work outs, my painting time, my real life stuff...
I don't know how i did it when i worked 9-5 and had little kids.  oh thats right, i didn't do it well at all.
I was over stressed and worn out. That's what got me into this study in the first place, duh.

I still say the Serenity Prayer and try to understand i am not in control of everything.
That's a toughie this week as we go thru something with my son and i cant fix it. Calling Dr Ornish's calmness and meditations into my psyche with every fiber of my being. Hard, but I'm not giving up.
I think Half Time is when you go into the locker room and reassess what you've done so far.
If you're winning, you tell yourself don't get cocky. if you're behind, you up your game for the second half.

so that's where i am now, perhaps I was getting cocky, i was feeling so much better, people were noticing, i was smiling a lot more, i was less anxious. Then real life stepped in. So I'm upping my game.
focus focus focus.
on to week 7

first and third

well, a third of my 12 week program with the two Dr O's is done.
Thank God no filming this week.

It's been surprisingly easy to change my way of eating, tho i must admit there is a hole on my plate where chicken used to be.
For someone that needs not to become food obsessed again, now i have to think creatively about food and how many ways there are to eat a veggie....

i looked back at some of my early notes in my journal and week one went something like this:
"I cant believe i was picked out of all the women that filled out this survey to participate, what was i thinking, am i crazy, can i do this?, i cant do this, this is a huge commitment, what WAS i thinking, i cant tell people, how can i not tell people? i'll never keep this up for 12 weeks"   you get my drift.

the second week was more of a kind of Honeymoon Stage.
"this is so cool, I feel so much better, my head is clearer, the other 5 women are nice, the doctors, trainers, counselors are so supportive, Dean is supportive,..." 
Along those lines.
Shopping more often but for better stuff. Working out more often, very sore. creaky knees but running longer and further.
Meditating. Meditating? yes, meditating.
the second week people asked me what i was doing because i seemed different. Not LOOKED different, seemed different. People aren't used to me not being hyper. but hyper is usually anxious about something. My anxieties seem to be lessening, big time.
Every Wednesday before we are allowed to work out, the cardiologist takes our pressure and resting heart rate. My heart rate is going down. drastically. 104, 72, 72, 60.

the third week was when reality set in.
wait, what? this is a lifestyle change? I have to eat like this foreverrrrrrrrrrr?
Hmm, some of the honeymoon is over, and the real life commitment to a new relationship has settled in.
Just like a marriage I guess, all of a sudden things aren't so rosy 100% of the time.
BUT like any relationship, if its worth it for my health, then i must do the work.
so work i am. When i feel like I'm too tired to go to the gym, i go anyway. When i don't feel like making two meals, one with "animal" in it for the family, and one with "meatless meat stuff" in it for me, i make it anyway.

My gym guru (Kathi S) told me instead of of thinking "i can't possibly do something", tell myself "i can do this and i will rock the crap out of it!" So now that's my mantra, and its why if you pass Kathi's desk at the gym theres a tupperware thats filling up with rocks. Every week on the program i add a rock to the cup. Last wednesday was rock number 4 as i began my next week.

so here i am in week four. REAL life. i feel good, and i am looking forward instead of back.
you know what they say, if you are looking backwards while moving forward, you'll trip! so no tripping over the little sticks and stones that life throws at me.
its first and 3rd. put me in coach....

things seem different

A few months ago, I was feeling introspective. 

Even more so than usual, some might say.

For almost two years now, I've been part of a wonderful 12 step program which has helped change my body, my mind, and my spirit, and brought some wonderful people into my life and helped me finally "clean my side of the street".

Things have been going well for me in my personal life, and my sons are both healthy and happy, I'm more than grateful.

My artwork has been received positively, I've "put myself out there" more and am gaining confidence.

i think it shows in my newer pieces and I'll keep learning and growing in this area that brings me the most joy.

But sometimes i still spend way too much time on Facebook, my way of procrastinating and avoiding.

So I find it very karmic(?) that one day on FB i came across a survey that was posted by a certain TV Doc about stress and the havoc it plays on one's body. I answered the survey and hit "send', thinking no more about it, since a zillion people saw the same post. Weird then that that evening i got an email asking me for some more details about the stresses in my life, and how stress has affected me physically as well as mentally. 

I answered it. and again didn't dwell on it.

The next day or so i got a call from a producers assistant asking to talk to me. We talked. We hung up.

Two days later the producers assistant called again and told me that Dr Dean Ornish is putting together a study group of a few women who, like me, have trouble "letting go" of stress (me???) and have had some illnesses that were stress related. (me again). Would i be interested in the information, the group, the commitment to change the way i ate/exercised/dealt with stress? 

Would I be ok being filmed doing all this?

Hell yeah.

Being that i believe there's no such thing as coincidences, and that I've been working on reconnecting with my higher Power and all i lost spiritually a few years ago, I truly believe God dropped this opportunity into my lap. I'm one of those people that doesn't hear the whispers, I need a 2x4 to the head.  This also happened during the same time i screwed up the courage to talk to the gorgeous, super fit, trainer of the trainers at my gym, and ask her to talk to me and help me face my fear of doing uncomfortable classes at the gym.

All this in the same week. There's gotta be a reason.

So for the past three weeks (with 9 to go) I make the train out of Summit, head to NY and work with our team.

I've been so unbelievably lucky to have been chosen to be part of this community of Doctors, Trainers, Therapists, Nutritionists,Yoga instructors etc, who monitor me, have changed my diet, have upped my work outs, have taught me to meditate, and continue to do so daily with emails, phone calls, texts etc.

Dr Ornish had walked me down to the room where i had to be weighed, measured, poked, prodded and drained of 6 vials of blood that first day. On film yet. He promised me that would be the worst. 

He was right. 

I thought i was eating pretty well, and i was, but i still needed Lipitor for the dreaded high cholesterol that plagues my family. So thats where my focus is. (The other gals have their own stuff to deal with).

I'm now on Dean's Spectrum Diet for heart disease reversal. He said my eating could use with a little tweaking. So out went the animal protein and fat. buh bye chicken, my faithful staple in almost every meal....

In came soy products. Who knew tofu was in other things besides miso soup?

and meatless meatballs? ok, I'm trying a lot of new stuff. not all home runs, but i feel so much better,

lighter even. Its taking some thought and planning but slowly I'm getting together some new recipes.

The first week or so was the honeymoon stage I know, and perhaps I won't feel as over the moon in a week or so, who knows. But right now I'm proud of myself for putting my health first.

if you want to check out the Spectrum Diet go to www.feelthelove.ornishspectrum.com

and check it out.

I've been journaling my food, my workouts and my feelings about this. 

more to come.